Beater – Bad Decisions Edition

Today I turn 48 years old. And buddy, lemme tell you it’s been a long, strange life.

I’ve got four kids, ranging in age from “finishing their first year of college” to “can’t tie his shoes yet”. I’ve performed in more than 20 countries and I’ve been on TV in most of those. I’ve been married three times, divorced twice.

I’ve had my goofy face plastered on the packaging of tens of thousands of yoyos, I invented a whole style of play, I’ve hung out with movie stars and rock stars and astronauts and millionaires and once with Samuel L. Jackson who might well be the coolest human being on the entire goddamn planet. One time I was mistaken for a movie star, another time I was mistaken for a Chinese gangster. Both of those seem deeply ridiculous, yet they happened.

I’ve been a lotta places and done a lot of stuff and looking back I can definitely say I’ve made some pretty good decisions, but those haven’t stuck with me quite like the bad ones. I could (and let’s be honest, probably should) focus on the good ones but as any performer can tell you—a million people can applaud you but you’ll only hear the one that boos. So instead of trying to influencer my way out of it, I’m gonna celebrate the bad decisions I’ve made because you know what? They were just as important in helping me become the person I am today.

(Whether that person is worth a tin fart is still very much up for debate in some circles but I’m pretty happy with where I’m at, thank you very much.)

To celebrate my birthday I’m dropping a very limited quantity of the “Bad Decisions” edition Beater. Featuring my 1982 Honda Accord, my first car, on the day when I accidentally set it on fire with Zippo fluid that had spilled all over my back seat. I was driving around and smoking a cigarette, and I flicked the butt out the window and of course it flew right into the back window where it set the spilled fuel on fire. It was a very exciting few minutes as I realized what was happening, pulled over, and put out the fire that went from “that smells funny” to “OMFG OMFG” really quickly. The car still ran for another six months after that, and I like to consider it a testament to the enduring power of Hondas. Also to my extraordinary good luck that I can be so stupid and still walk away intact.

The Bad Decisions edition Beater is available now, only here at CLYW.ca.

Buy the bad decisions Beater

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